


Tire of me if you will, my dear

by bitheflowers



Series: Berena appreciation week 2018 [3]
Category: Holby City
Genre: Angst, F/F, break-up, it is a sad one peeps
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-15
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-06-27 22:51:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15694959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitheflowers/pseuds/bitheflowers
Summary: A slight AU based off of the events in Primum Non Nocere part 2. What if Serena didn't go after Bernie? What if they didn't make up?





	Tire of me if you will, my dear

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry in advance. This time my girlfriend actually betaread my fic! I hope you enjoy it, even though yes I went for some angst and pain. I'd love to get some feedback on this one, I'm curious to hear about your thoughts on this!
> 
> Prompt is 'Break-up'

The journey from the hospital to the hotel passes quickly, almost without Bernie realising it. She feels numb, empty, pointless as she sits in the back of the taxi. Her mind is scrambling for bits and pieces of things she needs to do now, one thing more urgent than the other. She looks up flights to Nairobi, tries to change hers to a day earlier because there is no point staying in Holby. An earlier flight means an earlier arrival in Nairobi and thus, she figures, an earlier shift at work to distract herself. It’ll be good for her, to get back into things without looking back.

It isn’t until she closes the door to her hotel room behind her that she feels the emotion washing over her. Her head is spinning, her legs weak and wobbly as she falls down onto the bed. Finally tears start spilling from her eyes and she can’t remember the last time she cried like this. She cries and cries, properly sobs for what feels like ages. Her throat goes dry and her eyes are stinging but she can’t find it in herself to move, let alone drink some water or wash her face. 

It hurts, to have lost Serena. Serena, whom she loved more than anyone in the world. Serena, who had said that Bernie was the greatest love affair of her life. Serena, who was sunshine and happiness to Bernie. She bangs her fist against the pillows on the bed in anger, grabs one and throws it across the room. For a while, Bernie allows herself to wallow in it, the pain and the confusion and the heartbreak. In a minute she will get up, but for now all she wants to do is hide from the world and lie face down on the hard mattress of her single hotel bed.

Once she can feel her eyelids drooping, her tears having dried long ago when she couldn’t cry anymore, she hoists herself up off the bed. The room is too warm to keep her coat on, so she shrugs it off, retrieves her phone from her pocket and tosses the coat onto the bed. The temptation to see if maybe, just maybe, Serena has tried to contact her is too big so she unlocks her phone to find out. No texts from Serena, two texts from Jason.

“Auntie Bernie, are you really leaving already? Greta and I wanted you to meet our daughter. Don’t you want to meet her?”

Her heart breaks a little at the last part. She wants nothing more than to meet the little girl. To get a chance to be a happy family, with Serena and Jason and Greta and the little one. She moves on to the next text.

“Auntie Serena still loves you, I’m sure of it. We will miss you if you leave!” 

A big lump forms in her throat and Bernie tosses her phone onto the bed to get rid of the pain inflicted by the messages. Serena still loves her. She knows she does too, she could tell earlier. Serena loves her and she loves Serena. But it isn’t enough, she reminds herself. It’s not that simple.

On autopilot, her body moves through the room, grabbing some knickers and a t-shirt from her suitcase and turning on the shower. The water feels like ice when it hits her skin, the cold making her shiver but she powers through it. Still, it can’t calm her mind, thoughts running through her head at lightning speed. She loves Serena so much, she thinks she loves her enough to let her go. If it’s what she needs then Bernie will do it. Anything, for Serena.

Her hair is still soaking wet when she crawls into bed. It makes the pillow so damp it’s uncomfortable but she lies still nonetheless, her whole body exhausted. One last time she checks her phone, a part of her still hoping that maybe Serena will change her mind, ask her to come over, to work this out somehow. No texts. On a whim, she decides to send a text to Jason. She feels as though she owes him at least some sort of explanation. 

“I’m sorry I can’t be there to meet the baby. I wish you all the very best. You’ll be a splendid dad. Love, Bernie” 

She sends it before she can change her mind, then puts the phone down on the nightstand. Her alarm is set for the morning, early enough to wake her up to go to the airport. She tells herself that once she steps onto the plane, she can leave everything behind. Hours pass before sleep finally claims her. She dreams of Serena.

A few miles outside the city, Serena closes the front door behind her as she gets home from the hospital. She makes her way down the hall, into the kitchen to pour herself a glass of wine. The lights stay off as she rummages through the medicine cupboard until she finds a sleeping pill. She drags her body into the living room only to collapse on the sofa, violent sobs shaking her whole body. Her great-niece was born today, she should be happy, but she lost the love of her life. She gulps down the wine, swallows the pill and closes her eyes. She dreams of Bernie.


End file.
